![]() ![]() ![]() “Given the right situation for a particular person, can really create a wonderful sexual experience.”įilipino men, on the other hand, might do better to accept that they’re not sex experts, at least not right off the bat. “In terms of rough sex, there’s a lovely and powerful dance along the thin line between the pain and pleasure,” Amanda said. “They use that narrative to their advantage,” Cruz said. In a way, these rough sex fantasies are about women taking power back from the cultural narratives imposed on them. “In such a way that when it comes to enjoying sex, they can’t, because in their heads, they’re not supposed to.” “These narratives have affected a lot of women in our country,” Cruz said. That person may eventually associate leather with excitement and develop a kink for it.Ĭruz said many of her female clients struggle with pain or lack of pleasure during sex-an effect, she believes, of Filipino girls growing up thinking they should not talk about sex and ought to “save” themselves for marriage, or that casual sex will lead to men leaving them. For example, a kid might find it exciting when they are driven around in a new car with leather seats. The root of sexual arousal is the feeling of excitement, so any exciting experiences that happen at a young age can develop into a kink or sexual fantasy, she said. According to Cruz, studies show that most people develop their arousal template as early as 6 years old. It can include anything from physical sensations and personality traits, to sights and sounds. In sex therapy, an arousal template is a mental map of the things a person finds attractive, Cruz explained. “I can’t speak for all girls who have the same fantasy of being ‘manhandled’ but for me, there’s something alluring about being completely vulnerable with your partner while he or she is testing your limits,” Amanda said.įor her, the attraction comes from two things: knowing that her partner is only focused on pleasing her, and the thought that roughness and aggression mean her partner just can’t get enough of her. In the Philippines, most family values are rooted in Catholicism, and children are taught that men are “strong” and women are “beautiful.” That’s why many sexual fantasies are rooted in ideas of power and submissiveness-manhandling, sex outdoors, and threesomes. Aside from enjoying rough sex without reservations, Filipino women in her study also fantasized about having sex in public places where they could potentially get caught.Ĭruz said that fantasizing about rough sex could stem from Filipinos’ long-held belief that women are-or should be-gentle and reserved, like the expectations Amanda mentioned. She conducted a qualitative study on the sexual desires of Filipino women in 2020 for her PhD dissertation at the Ateneo de Manila University. “Rough sex fantasies… that’s one of the things want in bed,” Rica Cruz, a sex and relationships therapist, told VICE.
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